Genre: Magical Realism, Comedy Short Story
I am right in the middle of my monologue when my phone goes off. It seems like it is just a text, so I try to keep going, stumbling my way back to where I left off, but then it rings. There’s a bit of an awkward moment as Storm Surge and I stare at each other, and I debate picking it up. Before I can decide, it goes silent, so I assume the problem is handled and carry on. But no, there it goes again. I pull it out, look at the screen, and swear. I must answer, or I’ll be in trouble.
“I am so sorry to do this. I know it’s super unprofessional, but do you mind if I take this really quick? It’s kind of important.” I wait for an answer, and Surge just looks back at me from where they’re lashed to a pole and tries to mumble something in response. “Sorry! Totally forgot you were gagged! Well, I’ll just answer then. It’s not like you’re going anywhere.” With a sly chuckle at my own wit, I take a few steps off to the side and answer the phone.
“Finally! You know, I thought you weren’t going to answer and just accept the consequences!” Mutilator sounds very annoyed, and I roll my eyes a bit.
“Yeah, well, can we make it quick? I’ve got a hero tied up, and I was kind of in the middle of my speech. I think I’m doing well, really hitting those emotional points we practiced.” I hear a slight hiss as he takes in a short but disapproving breath.
“Sorry, but you’re going to have to cut your standoff short. I’ve got a showdown scheduled for 15 minutes from now in the abandoned warehouse, and I need a henchman.” My mouth drops open.
“What?! Why do I have to be your henchman? Isn’t there anyone else that’s available?” I frantically rack my brain. There are 30 other villains in our local group; surely one of them is free!
“No, Vex, they all have standoffs scheduled that don’t need henchman. They made their availability very clear in the shared calendar.” I groan; I forgot to look at the calendar because I got so caught up in the fight. “Besides, you weren’t even supposed to have a showdown today! It’s your day on call!” My lip curls with distaste. Shit. Unfortunately, he does have a point. This fight was unscheduled, and I should have kept a better eye on the calendar.
“All right, look, it’s totally my fault, but can I just have an hour, two tops?” I look back and mouth the word sorry to Surge, who is still tied up, obviously, but looking very confused.
“No way, I need a henchman right now, so… you can flake, but you won’t be able to get a henchman for next week.” He sounds a bit smug, and I long to punch that smirk off his face but I can’t do anything about that now.
“Fine. I’m on my way.” I hang up and silently curse out all the goons for unionizing and leaving us with a henchman shortage. Something about living wages and being annoyed they’re getting beat up all of the time with no hazard pay. Blah, blah, blah. It’s not like being a villain is much easier! Heaving a heavy sigh, I start making my way out of the subway tunnel, leaving a tied-up Storm Surge behind. I’m sure they’ll be fine. Someone will probably find them… eventually.
About the Author: Abby is a second-year student majoring in English and creative writing. When not working on schoolwork, she can usually be found annoying her cat into loving her, playing cozy video games, or probably sleeping. She doesn’t have much preference in the genre when writing, but her favorite genre to read is fantasy (although she’s also a sucker for a sappy romance novel).
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